baby fever

So if I haven't shared with you already, last month I was sick with baby fever. My co-worker and sister in law are both pregnant and glowing and I'll be damned if I don't go a week without someone asking me,  "so when are you going to have kids?"  You can only go so long before it starts to get under your skin and into your brain.  Baby fever takes years of social conditioning and typically manifests at its worst shortly after marriage.  The symptoms come and go in waves - for right now, my symptoms have subsided.

Here are some of the symptoms if baby fever:

1. You have pregnancy dreams - mine involve going into labor, doctors telling me I'm pregnant, knowing that I'm pregnant, holding my new born child, etc. They're fierce and very real.

2. You start to think about being an "old mom". You do the math to determine how old you will be when your child graduates high school and you don't like it. You compare yourself to friends who already have x number of children and then do the math to figure out how old they will be when their child(ren) will graduate hs.  This number is lower than yours.

3. You start reading mommy blogs and bookmarking articles for future.

4. You begin thinking about baby names and start a google document entitled babies so you can easily update the list when a good name strikes you.

5. You think about your grandparents and want them to meet their great-grandchild.

6. You consider the fact that conceiving could take years and if we don't start now...

Each of these symptoms can haunt your very being if you dwell on them.  But instead I am enjoying the dream, standing on the threshold of our future.  We are so blessed in many ways and I am grateful for the life we are building together.

So if you're reading this list thinking, "what are you waiting for?" The short answer is we're just not ready. What's that you say? We'll never be READY to have kids?  I agree with you there.

The fact remains that we are newlyweds; we are enjoying our new life together and soaking in every moment of being a family of two (or five if you count the cats). Babies will come when we are ready and only God knows when that will be. So for now, I am embracing my baby fever and loving my husband for being supportive of my disease.

Because I am content with "just us" and looking forward to our family years at the same time. :-)

MacKenzie's Graduation

MacKenzie graduated from the Sandra Day O'Connor College of Law at Arizona State University on Friday, May 14, 2010.  It was a long road, but she conquered it.  She has been working in the law clinic at ASU and the day before she graduated, she settled a case for her client and the outcome was really, really good.  She is going to be a really, really amazing lawyer!

I am so proud of her and cannot wait to celebrate many more successes as she begins her career in law.  There are so many opportunities out there for her!

We celebrated at MacKenzie's house after with some great food and drink and a few well-deserved fun and goofy moments!

JOYFUL JOYFUL!

Click here for JOY

So, if you've read more of the blog, about the shoes in the bar, you will know what these mean to me!

Thank you Stepha for finding them!! I guess this means I have to marry you, if you ask.

running away...

Sometimes you need to run away.
It doesn't matter so much what you are running from
as what you are running to.

"I don't think I'm going to go to LA anymore..." -John Mayer

Something Beautiful.

"I would love to find a man strong enough to catch me." -Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

"Baby, you don't need me. You're perfect, it's true. But I got love strong enough for you." Matt Wertz

I've realized that I like it when two things in my life, although perhaps not my own original thoughts, connect in some way. I think that it is line with the human nature to categorize.

Someday...

"Let me down, Daddy!" Love is actually - all around.

Standing in line at security at the airport, there were people outside of the security line anxiously waiting for their anticipated arrivals. A girl of about 4 years was in the arms of her father looking with excitement at each face of the passengers rounding the corner. I wondered who she was looking for. It was my turn in line and I took off my shoes and pulled out my laptop. I placed my plastic baggie of liquids and gels into the bin with my other belongings when I heard the girl yell, "Let me down, Daddy! Let me down!" She kicked her legs emphatically and her happiness could be felt in the sound of her voice. I smiled as I realized she had seen whomever she was expecting. I wanted so badly to see who it was, but I had to present my boarding pass and continue through to pick up my x-rayed items. She was so excited to see the arriving passenger. It was such a wonderful scene to start my trip. It reminded me of the scene from Love Actually. I love airports for this reason - so full of emotion.

smile.

Someone I just met expressed an interest in finding out what makes me smile. Whether or not it is a tried and true line to pick up smiling young women or an honest question, the inquisition got me thinking.

What does make me smile?

Here is what I have come up with thus far...

I smile when:

1. I have nothing left to say.
It is impossible to persuade a man who does not disagree, but smiles. ~Muriel Spark
2. I have something to say, but I don't want to say it.
A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities ~Herman Melville
3. I re-connect with old friends.
She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket. ~Raymond Chandler
4. I catch someone looking at me.
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade
5. I am dancing.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis Diller
6. I am laughing (duh, but it does apply) HA! I just pictured someone laughing with out smiling.
A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip
7. I am swimming alone on a hot afternoon.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney
8. I find something I was looking for.
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare
9. I try something new.
A smile will gain you ten more years of life. ~Chinese Proverb
10. I find something new that inspires me.
Smile - it increases your face value. ~Author Unknown

So obviously I do not limit my smiles to the above top-ten, but those are the broad generalizations.

Even if the question was only asked to get into my pants, it was something that I realized I didn't really know the answer to. I am thankful that I gave it some thought and figured out what makes me smile.

What makes you smile?

Glasses before

Glasses after... I want these ones.

I don't really care who you are, but if you're driving without your lights on after dark, I WILL flash my brights at you. I don't fear the urban legend that states I might be killed or have other malice unleashed upon me in some sort of gang initiation. It is simply unsafe to drive at night without your lights on. And I care about the well-being of those I do not know.

And this concludes Tory's rant of the evening.

In other news, I am finding new ways to reinvent myself. Like, the new Tory who works out! This Tory desperately considers joining a gym without actually doing so. It's one of the things on her list, however, it has not come into fruition yet. She's ok with it. The other new Tory is the Tory who makes television appearances as a character who lives in the hotel where she works. She will be on Channel 10 on Thursday. Yet another Tory is the one that crochets little bunnies while watching television curled up on her couch in a pale yellow vintage nightgown she got at Savers. This Tory is the one that everyday Tory is the most hesitant to talk about with other people. But it's who she is and it's how she passes time.

Finally, the last reinvention of Tory is the one that speaks in third person. She is by far the most annoying of them all, but trust her... there are worse things in life. So take this moment to celebrate something in your life that is not quite as bad as speaking in the third person and consider yourself fortunate that speaking in the third person is not as bad as it could be.

Last night was a full moon and Mercruy is in retrogade. I'm not sure what the Mercury bit actually means, but in astrology, it's not gooood. Nothing too catastrophic ocurred though. Maybe the cosmos are being kind to me considering the last two weeks have had their share of "bad luck." I'm ready for the good juju. Bring it on!

I've so far completed two of the six things on my list of 'Things to Do in 2007." And I'm on my way to completing a seventh feat, not originally on the list. Feelin' good!

I smile in the face of adversity. Somehow, it works.