What To Do in a Recession

So it's no joke that the economy has affected each of us in some way. Even if you're just watching it on the news or hearing about it on the radio, everyone's life has been touched by the economy.

The travel industry has been hit hard. There is plenty to be positive about, especially if you're looking to travel right now. There is so much value our there to be had from hotel stays to airlines. You just have to look for it.

So, for those of you who know what I do, you might know that my day-to-day life has been affected by this so-called (ok, it's real) recession. From the moment I saw the giant recession wave approaching the beach of my life, I have tried to come up with something that I could do to support myself if things got really bad. I have racked my brain with some trade or talent that I have that would position myself with a positive income in the downward spiral our economy has taken on.

And I.think.I.have.found it.

No, it's not professional blogging. That market is far too saturated. And no, I don't foresee people paying others to walk their dogs, although this is a natural talent of mine. I can sew, knit and crochet, but not well enough to make a living at it.

Today, though, I finally figured out what I would do if things got really bad. After hearing on the news about people burning down their houses in order to "start over" and collect insurance, I figured that pawn shops would also be inundated with early 90s television sets, jewelry and furniture, etc. Hell, I can't even sell my extra printer on Craigslist for $20! It's an amazing printer!

So, after closely examining the market and realizing that it would be next-to-impossible to pose as a dog at the humane society hoping for an adoption, I have figured out what to do.

I will fly to a remote jungle destination. I will pack those things necessary to live in the jungle. Once I have become accustomed to jungle-living, I will discard my necessities and hike even deeper into the jungle. I will live off the land, killing wild beasts who try to bring me down. I will learn to swing from vines and find food. Then I will wait. I will wait for biologists, foresters or the like to discover me living in the jungle. When they find me, I will walk on all fours - or perhaps with only a slightly recessed Hominidae posture (that's what I would be literally, of course). I will grunt and feign a lack of knowledge of any language. My nails and hair would be long and wily excepting any natural wear and tear of survival tactics. I will show them, through visual cues, how I have "grown up" and survived alone in the jungle "all my life."

I figure I will be brought to some facility to be studied (think Tarzan and the like) for some time. I will slowly begin to "learn" English. Any other language besides Spanish I will have to feign an accurate learning curve for a jungle child. I will hope that those who find me will attempt to teach me the skills necessary to assimilate to "normal" society and I will "graduate" just in time for the recession to be over!

I will assimilate quickly and miraculously in normal urban life just in time! It will be fantastic and oh, what a story I will be able to tell.