Next book club is January 11th and we are not reading a book. Instead, we are sharing "love" letters. They don't have to be romantic love letters or even a love letter we've written or received, just a love letter. I'm not sure what it is, because I would like to think that normally this wouldn't bother me, but the only thing I could think of was the fact that I don't have any love letters. I can't remember writing any or getting any. The ony ideas I could come up with were the notes I prepared in high school when I was trying to get up the courage to tell my crush that I liked him. I was so nervous, but I wrote exactly how I felt and it was so innocent and un-cynical and completely without reservations. Here is what I wrote:
- I'm in love with you.
- I get this rush in my stomach every time I see you.
- I'd do anything just to see you and get that feeling.
- There's nothing I wouldn't do just to be able to do something as simple as sit with my hand on your leg.
- I haven't talked to anyone about how I feel.
- I leave my house early every morning so that I can get to school before you do, so that we can spend time together before class.
- Before I go to bed you're the last thing I think of.
- When I wake up you're the first thing I think of.
- I like it that we see each other between 2nd and 3rd hour.
- Even when we can't talk, it's nice just to see you.
- When you're not there, I miss you.
- I couldn't stand it anymore. I was gonna die if I didn't get this out.
- I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart - all logic gone.
- As long as I follow my heart, I know I won't regret anything.
Funny how that's the only thing I could think of for a "love" letter and it's bullet points. My feelings were so ripe and they werne't even love. It was infatuation - raw teenage emotion. I read those bullet points to him verbatim and he said, "Woah... how 'bout them Mets?" (Who says that?? Clearly, I caught him off guard - it was high school.) For the record, I'm still not so scarred that I remember all of this. I consulted my high school journal. It was a journal, not a diary; that sounds too girly. Anyway, the assignment is "love" letters and that's all I've got. I will have to do some more thinking on this one.
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